Saturday, May 6, 2017

Out With The Old Problems, In With The New

Everything seems to be falling into place, but I'm scared...

James and I sold our old little house in Everett, WA and bought a bigger house in Tacoma, WA...James got a transfer and Morrighan will be starting school there soon. So what am I scared about? 

Well, for one my mom is moving to Indiana and I'm afraid I'll never see or hear from her again. I am the worst at long distance relationships...If you don't live near me, you don't see me usually. And I don't call people no matter how much I love and miss them. I have this strange phone anxiety...I'll call for business or to make an appointment, but not for social reasons. Never. No matter how many times someone tells me to call them any time, I have an unsettling fear of bothering people by calling them, so I never do. I try not to think about my mom leaving because I start to cry. My kids love her so much and my baby boy is young enough that he won't even remember the grandma he adores right now...

The other thing weighing heavy on my mind is that I quit my job. I quit for a lot of reasons. I could write a list for you but if my boss saw them I would 100% not get a good recommendation from her. What I can tell you is that 1. Everett and Tacoma are not close, and while I was actually looking forward to the train ride up to Everett 3 nights a week, reason number 2 came along, and it suddenly didn't seem worth the effort. In fact, because of reason number 2, I likely would have quit even if James and I bought a house in Everett... Reason number 2 being that my boss just hired a woman I dislike very much as her assistant manager, meaning as my new boss...This will not stand!

But, without a job James and I are short nearly $2,000 a month. Where am I going to get that kind of money on a monthly bases? My books...they are selling but certainly not that well. Should I get another job...First I need to work the opposite of my husband, so there's always someone home with the kids. As long as his schedule is fixed, I can do that, but that brings me to my third problem.

My third worry is that my Give A Shit meter is fucking broken all to shit. I don't know what happened but lately I just can not do customer service, and that's 90% of the jobs out there... Every day that I'm catering to the needs and wants of people I'm coming a little more undone. Pretty soon I'm going to start saying what's really on my mind. I'm getting more and more mouthy. I don't think I can handle it. I feel like I'm a ticking time bomb. 


Out with the old problems, In with the new