A bit from Grave Omen:
“You’ll protect them? How? With your fire, your mind powers?” he laughed. “You’re weak, you’ve always been weak and you’ll always be weak, Raina. You can’t help it. You were made that way. Not enough of any one thing to do you any good, huh? Not witch enough for magic, not elf enough for your family’s love. Hell, you’re not even a true vampire or a true demigod. You think you can beat these men? You think you can save the people you love? You can’t. They love you. They think you’re smart and powerful, but we both know that’s not true. That image they have of you is a lie. They’re all going to die for that lie, for you. You think you’re worth it?”
I couldn’t stop the tears falling down my cheeks. Everything he said were things I’d told myself over and over again every day of my life. They were thoughts that festered in my mind. They suffocated me and kept me up at night. When I was a child I had a mantra: “You’re ugly, you’re stupid and nobody likes you.” I’d say this to myself over and over again so that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself and smile, or actually believe someone if they told me I was clever or beautiful. I was taught from an early age to hate myself more than anyone. But Damon’s love, being a mom and hunting had made me think better of myself. Being good at being a mother, lover and bounty hunter gave me a thin layer of hope that acted as a shield against me, protecting me from me. But the enemy was inside. I couldn’t kill her, merely contain her. Raphael’s words were a ballistic missile that shattered that shield. I felt myself falling, crippled, debilitated. The world grew dark and I was a worthless thing. My faults were countless and I was so sorry for every damn one of them.
I originally wrote this bit about myself a year before I wrote Grave Omen...I reworded it to fit Raina, but that's me, actually....bare soul open to the bitter cold...
“You’ll protect them? How? With your fire, your mind powers?” he laughed. “You’re weak, you’ve always been weak and you’ll always be weak, Raina. You can’t help it. You were made that way. Not enough of any one thing to do you any good, huh? Not witch enough for magic, not elf enough for your family’s love. Hell, you’re not even a true vampire or a true demigod. You think you can beat these men? You think you can save the people you love? You can’t. They love you. They think you’re smart and powerful, but we both know that’s not true. That image they have of you is a lie. They’re all going to die for that lie, for you. You think you’re worth it?”
I couldn’t stop the tears falling down my cheeks. Everything he said were things I’d told myself over and over again every day of my life. They were thoughts that festered in my mind. They suffocated me and kept me up at night. When I was a child I had a mantra: “You’re ugly, you’re stupid and nobody likes you.” I’d say this to myself over and over again so that I wouldn’t make a fool of myself and smile, or actually believe someone if they told me I was clever or beautiful. I was taught from an early age to hate myself more than anyone. But Damon’s love, being a mom and hunting had made me think better of myself. Being good at being a mother, lover and bounty hunter gave me a thin layer of hope that acted as a shield against me, protecting me from me. But the enemy was inside. I couldn’t kill her, merely contain her. Raphael’s words were a ballistic missile that shattered that shield. I felt myself falling, crippled, debilitated. The world grew dark and I was a worthless thing. My faults were countless and I was so sorry for every damn one of them.
I originally wrote this bit about myself a year before I wrote Grave Omen...I reworded it to fit Raina, but that's me, actually....bare soul open to the bitter cold...
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