Friday, December 16, 2016

Some Jokes.... Or Whatever

Sometimes I'm kind of funny...eh. But I forget my jokes all the time. People are forever telling me to do stand up or write comedy for a living, but I'm far too insecure to do anything about it. I'm fairly certain that if someone put a camera in my face and was like, "3, 2, 1, be funny now." I'd just shit myself. At the very least piss myself. I've always had a weak bladder and laughter is the enemy of a weak bladder. It sucks. When people laugh, I laugh. When people cry, I give a shit usually, but if someone is laughing at my joke, I will totally crack the fuck up...and then inevitably pee myself...Maybe I could wear Depends or something. I don't know.

I do sometimes tweet or Facebook post things I find humorous, but I've been told that most of what makes me funny is my timing, inflection and facial expressions...so these things don't transfer well in writing.

Like, people are always put off by someone eating phallic shaped food. Hot dogs, gross! Bananas, OMG! Right? But no one bats an eye at someone guzzling down milk, just swallowing all that...oh well. Maybe you're not laughing at that funny observation, but believe me, there's like a 75% chance that you would be laughing if you saw and heard me deliver it...Is it a compliment when someone says your face makes it so much more funny...Uh, thanks...

People are always seeking happiness, but I think I'd be much more fulfilled with a whole penis...in more ways than one. ^_^

You can picture a butt farting in slow motion. How the butt cheeks clap together...I don't mind if my butt claps when I fart, but if it asks for an encore I'm going to freak out.

Sorry, dirty mind, dirty jokes.



A video posted by Diana Graves (@dianagravesnovel) on



You know what...If I get more than 100 comments from different people on this post, I will go to an open mike stand up comedy thing in Seattle, Wa.